Happy Mother’s Day!

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This is both a happy and sad article, so I apologize.

First, I just want to say that I love Mother’s day because I have the two best moms in the world. They aren’t just my moms. They are very dear and special friends. My own mom is on my speed dial even as a thirty-four-year-old when I need a shoulder to cry on or a swift kick in the seat of the pants. I’m old enough to know that having a friend who will kick you in the pant seat is valuable beyond gold or silver. My mom inspires me, reminds me to do what’s right, shares her wine, and opens her heart and home to me at any day or time. Honestly, I love my mom cause she always makes me feel wanted, valued, and like a friend who she doesn’t get to see enough. I feel that way about her and she often tells me the same thing. I would kill off more fictional people if I thought it would give me more time with her. On top of all this, my Mom has her own business, keeps up with my dad, our church, all of us kids, all the grandkids, her own parents, and takes care of my Dad’s Mom. She amazes me! She would tell you she feels stretched, maybe like butter spread over too much bread, but she does a wonderful job. My mom is one of the main reasons I love to write and read. That is a gift I can never repay.

My extra mom is not just my mother-in-law, she is also one of my dearest friends. She is supportive, engaged, and has an open door policy, which I indulge in quite regularly. She has always treated me more as a prize than as an extra child in the family. What girl doesn’t love that? My extra mom is the most amazing cook I’ve ever known. We all crowd in her small kitchen on family days cause it’s the best place to be. She also has the most beautiful yard you’ve ever seen. I love our long talks when I go over to work out. I love the plant advice, which saves me hours of online research, and I love a fellow movie/TV nut to discuss the latest show with. Having a good relationship with the person who raised your husband is rare, so I’m fortunate to have not just a mom-in-law, but a true and real extra mom.

If I can have a home as comforting and welcoming as these two women, I’ll have reached a certain level of success in my life as a housewife. Other than my own home, I can think of no two places I’d rather be than one of my moms’ homes. I love you both dearly!

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This is the part I love about Mother’s Day. I love getting an extra chance to tell two women how much they mean to me. But there is a part about Mother’s Day that gets harder with each passing year. For those of you without children or who have lost children, you know what I’m talking about.

When I was a young lady and Mother’s Day rolled around, I would dream about someday being honored by my husband and my children. I would smile and laugh at all the things done for mothers and wonder what my own husband and children would do to surprise me on this day. (Thank you Hallmark.)

I don’t have kids.

I’m still young enough, I tell myself daily, that I still hope to have children. I squeeze as much hope as possible out of every story about women who have children after they’re 35 or 40…or even 50. I’m not going to go into all the ins and outs of why we don’t have kids. Sorry. It’s not anyone’s business but my husband’s and mine. Just know that we want children, but we don’t have any.

So, each year Mother’s Day rolls around and I dream less and less about my own future time to celebrate. More and more, I just try to keep my head down, my heart in control, and think about the women I love who are mothers. And ladies, all of you moms that I know, I pray for you all the time. The older, and more tired, I get the more and more I pray for you. You have the most important task before you. You are molding and shaping the next generation and I don’t think it’s going to be an easy time to grow up. Keep at it. Enjoy this holiday set aside for you, dear moms. I pray for you!

For me, this holiday which was once looked forward to, is now almost dreaded. It is a big billboard of what I long for but don’t have and may never have. But! I do have hope. I have hope that Christ knows this desire. I have hope because I’m not alone in this desire. Many women have had this prayer answered in the positive by the Lord: Hannah, Sarah, Elizabeth, and Sampson’s Mother. And I have hope that He is good. If He answers this prayer with a no, I can lean and trust in Him. In the meantime, I can pour out my heart and mind for my church and my family. I can love on my nieces and nephews. I can love a holiday for the opportunity to tell my Moms how much they mean to me. I can switch my focus from what I don’t have to what Christ has secured for me. I can set my eyes on heaven and know that even if I don’t have children here on this earth, my hope is in what Christ has done for me. I, by His grace alone, will not waste this life pining for something I don’t yet have. I will use it to serve my church in every way possible.

I’m thankful for all you moms at church who take time out of your busy lives to text me, call me, facebook me, join me for coffee, tell me when you need help, and read my random blog posts. It’s a scary thing to reach a point in your life where you realize you may never have children, but you ladies let me be a part of your lives and so in a way I have many many children who I love.

“Sing, O barren one, who did not bear;
break forth into singing and cry aloud,
you who have not been in labor!
For the children of the desolate one will be more
than the children of her who is married,” says the Lord. (Is 54:1)

Happy Mother’s Day!

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11 thoughts on “Happy Mother’s Day!

  1. Thank you for sharing your struggle & perspective. This is a big deal. Every woman I know has a contentment battle zone. The particular issue may be different but the battle always has essential commonality: do I trust my wise Heavenly Father to provide all that is good & needful? Do I believe He is doing that right now? Thankfully, in all my failures to do that, the mercies of Christ are ever new & underneath are the Everlasting Arms!

    • Yes! We all rest in Christ for everything! He can use the biggest and smallest things in our life to make us more like him, but thankfully always with love, grace, and hope!

  2. Dear friend! You are so completely amazing in your zeal and faith in trusting our sovereign Lord, but I know that doesn’t make everything a breeze, skimming above the emotions involved. I have watched several friends with this struggle and my heart hurts for them. However, those that trust God’s hand are full of so much more joy and still see that their calling is just as valuable.

    I can remember one friend who did not embrace this call but sulked and cried and was angry at the Lord for months on end. It was so sad to watch and see much time wasted (not to mention her poor husband that did not know how to console her). Not to say that there are no tears and questions of ‘why’ involved with your circumstance. But your eyes are on Jesus and your purpose as a wife and daughter, sister and church member, is met with energy and joy and thankfulness. Truly it’s a testimony of God’s goodness in your life.

    Love you!

    • It’s all of Christ and grace, and none of me. I’ve been right where your friend was before. It’s horrible. Like, you said, it’s not the emotions go away, it’s just that Christ graciously gives peace and trust. Thanks for your encouragement! Love you lots!

      • I just went to a graduation of a homeschooled young lady that lost her mom to cancer at age 6. She’s a marvelous girl, full of character. The irony of what kind of character we can develop due to hardship is interesting when you consider that it would look different without said hardship. Not better or worse, just different. Wonderful how nothing is really a loss or less in any way in the hands of a loving, omnipotent God. Usually much more, in fact.

  3. Thank you for this beautiful post. I look on only from a distance, catching little glimpses of your life from Facebook updates and blog posts, and I know there is much more to your life than I able to see but even then, I am inspired by you. I am inspired by your active labors of love in your family, in your church, positions you pour yourself into, positions you would be less free to fill if you had little ones of your own. What a beautiful gift to your family and church! Praise God that in His wise providence the kingdom is built both with mothers and mother-supporters. They are equally precious in God’s sight.

  4. Beautiful, Abby. Did you ever read my little book, Looking at Loss? I understand what you are saying about Mother’s Day. Perhaps God will yet answer your prayer. Or He might redirect your life as He did mine. Whatever happens, this extra aunt will always understand. claudia

    • Love you so much and I’m so glad you’re my extra-aunt!!!! Your little book is waiting patiently for me to finish Stepping Heavenward. I dug it out of our bookshelf just the other day. 🙂

  5. Pingback: A Mother’s Day Follow-Up | A Gentle and Quiet Spirit

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